The Crush House's record-setting, heart-throbbing, lip-smacking, butthole-puckering season has finally come to an end — and EVERYONE (including me) is confused as hell.

Like, seriously, what the hell was that???

Didn't see it for yourself? Let's hit rewind.

Sliding into Success

After such a dramatic season, everyone was dying to know how The Crush House would end. Would Alex and Bea bury the hatchet and make up? Would Gunther and Joyumi's surprise-twist fling last? Would Charlie get revenge on Milo?

Nope! Fuck that!

Picture this: For the first time, the cast is invited up to the roof of The Crush House's legendary Malibu mansion. There, amid balloons and party decorations, is a massive pink slide — one that many eagle-eyed viewers had spotted in previous episodes. It's weird! Theories abound!

One by one, our beloved reality TV stars step up and disappear down the slide — and go where? Only god (and the producers) know...

It was a baffling, audacious ending. And it's set the internet absolutely ABLAZE with rumors and conspiracies. Some are kinda fascinating, while others are a bit... uh...

WAKE UP, PEOPLE! IT'S OBVIOUS. THE CAST MEMBERS ARE ALL VERY CLEVER BUT VAIN ALIENS AND THE ONLY WAY THE GOVERNMENT COULD CAPTURE THEM WAS TO TRICK THEM INTO THINKING THEY WERE ON A REALITY TV SHOW.

@ProbedAndConfused

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@CRAVEtheJUICE

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そのスライドを見たときに、それがスパイラルであることがよく分かりました。完璧で美しいスパイラル。

それは私に呼びかけます…

@Saito

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This is such an obvious set up for the next season and, girl, I am LIVING for it! Keep us all guessing what's going to happen, meanwhile the cast is probably sexing it up in Casablanca, and then in a few months... BAM!

@xGossip_BitchX

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The thing is, it's now been days since the cast disappeared down the slide and there's been nothing to explain the finale. No ads, no big reveal, no dramatic, four-part reunion!

WHAT IS HAPPENING? SERIOUSLY. CAN SOMEON<% ERROR: UNABLE TO EXECUTE PRINT_ARTICLE() DUE TO CORRUPTED MEMORY AT 0xC0000005 %>