The moment Ayo stepped off that weird elevator-thing that rose, Godzilla-like, out of the waters of The Crush House's balcony pool, I knew I was watching the birth of a reality-TV monster.

I mean that affectionately (of course)! Ayo admits it herself. She is a monster — a majestic, imposing, and only slightly terrifying monster. And, just like any beast, she has an insatiable appetite. For power. For wealth. For the freedom that comes from being a nationally-recognized, grade A-certified badass bitch.

Well, guess what dear reader. I got to meet that bitch and ask her all your burning questions. That's right! Despite living under a strict quarantine — with no access to the outside world — I was able to convince The Crush House producers to let me have seven minutes in a chatroom with Ayo. I am nothing if not persuasive!

With so little time to spare, we got down to business. Here's the transcript of our conversation.

Ayo Goes Wild!

Fizz: Thx for joining me, Ayo! So, ur currently in The Crush House right now... What's the latest goss?

Ayo: Wow, straight to fuckin, huh? No "how's your day?" or "it's nice to meet you?" I didn't know you were the type!

Fizz: OMG! I am SO sorry! How are you???

Ayo: Too late for that! I don't need your pity pleasantries! You want gossip? Well, just before sitting down with you, our little Bea Culpa and Alex slipped off to the bathroom. Do you think he needed help wiping?

Fizz: AYO!

Ayo: I'm just surprised, really. She seems so calm and aloof. I wish you could hear the screams right now! Kinky shit!

Fizz: LOL! You're lying!

Ayo: Guess you'll have to watch the next episode and see :-)

Fizz: As if I wouldn't! But let's talk about you. I don't know how much you've seen, but fans have gone absolutely nuts over you. How does it feel to become such an overnight celebrity sensation?

Ayo: Idk man, it feels not real? I mean, they have us sequestered in here like fuckin' nuns! It's not like I've had an opportunity to really bask in it...

Fizz: LMAO! Well I'm happy I get to be the one who told you.

Ayo: Yeah, I'll have to take your word for it. You got any advice for me, Fizz? Y'know, as someone that's managed to turn undeserved internet fame into a profitable career?

Fizz: You bitch! Actually, yeah I do: I hope you don't mind kissing ass...

Ayo: Aww, just kissing? There's so many more creative verbs that I'd prefer.

Fizz: Not the first time you've said something like that. It's enough to make a boy wonder: Just who was Ayo before she stepped into The Crush House?

Ayo: Oh, y'know, just a girl with a dream and no gag reflex :-P

Fizz: You're not going to say more than that?

Ayo: Fizz, hunny, you know I love you. But I've got bills to pay and I can't make that happen if I shoot my load on your little webpage or whatever it is.

Fizz slaps Ayo around a bit with a large trout!

Ayo: Yes, daddy! Harder!!!

Fizz: Okay, our time is nearly up. Last question: The season finale is fast approaching. Rumors abound. What do you think is in store for you and the cast in just a few days!?

Producer: Sorry, our time is up. Ayo needs to return to the show. Thank you for understanding.

<Connection terminated>

And that was it! She's not exactly one to be forthcoming, right? I think that just makes me love her even more... What do you think of Ayo? Does she deserve all the attention she's getting? Argue in the comments!