Buckle up, because we're driving straight into some DRAMAAAA about Crush House darlings, Priscilla, Diya, and Coco — something that these newfound The Crush House reality-TV stars do NOT want you to read!

Now, I could just share this with you straight, but my lawyer said that'd be "inadvisable!" and that the conditions of my last defamation settlement were "crystal clear."

So let's turn this into a little game...

Two Truths and a Lie!

Here's how it'll work: I'll share two DELICIOUS truths about these cast members and one lie, and the burden will be up to YOU to sift fact from fiction. It's like Schrödinger's slander! Ready?

Priscilla

Fact or Fiction 1: It's no secret that Priscilla grew up with a jewel-encrusted spoon in her mouth all thanks to mommy. Oh, you didn't know? Priscilla's mom is a FAMOUS soap opera star back in Argentina. Considering how FRAUGHT their relationship is rumored to be, though, it sounds like poor Priscilla was never good enough to earn the mutual affections of Mommy Dearest. Oh I just love family drama!

Fact or Fiction 2: It's surprising that Priscilla is the walking definition of a hot mess, considering she spent much of her highschool years in a BOARDING SCHOOL for girls! I've seen enough movies to let the blanks fill in themselves: bathroom cigarettes, a sacred pact between friends, a forbidden first kiss, demonic rituals... The biopic writes itself!

Fact or Fiction 3: Priscilla ALLEGEDLY still sleeps with a baby blankie!

Hmmmmmm, which one could the lie be, I wonder?

Diya

Fact or Fiction 1: Glamorous and confident Diya has accomplished more in her 25 years than most people hope to achieve in their lifetimes! At the ripe and tender age of 17 she became an international supermodel, a budding career that SUPPOSEDLY wilted when this American Idol had an ALLEGED meltdown during a saucy lingerie shoot!

Fact or Fiction 2: Watch any amount of The Crush House, and it's clear that Diya is a woman fighting some heated internal battles. Rumor is Mommy and Daddy are the root of that — as these Jamaican immigrants are supposedly STRICT conservatives and judgemental!

Fact or Fiction 3: Diya never learned how to tell TIME. Allegedly.

Gosh, even I'm having a hard time discerning the truth here!

Coco

Fact or Fiction 1: Club-promoted Coco hasn't always been the glamorous, gender-fluid little piece of raw beef that he is today. Oh no, if some downright TROUBLING rumors are to be believed, he once enjoyed a successful career as a Republican foot soldier — knocking on doors to spread traditional values! Shocking twist (if true), I know.

Fact or Fiction 2: Tell me if you've heard this one before: Boy meets world, boy decides world kinda sucks, boy feels things that confuse him, boy discovers mommy's makeup, boy's conservative-ass parents walk in. Ooof, I can feel the familial trauma from here!

Fact or Fiction 3: Coco REPORTEDLY pees in the shower. Disgusting if true!!!

So, what do you think? Which are facts and which are fictions? Only a person possessing incredible perception will be able to see the truth through these lies! Let me know in the comments!