Are Strategically Placed Statues Brainwashing The Crush House Cast? An Expert Weighs In

Crush House fans are divided over whether a pair of mysterious statues are driving the cast into fits of lust and rage.

Published Thu, August 5, 1999 at 7:48 PM PST

Are a pair of mysterious statues subconsciously manipulating the cast of the summer's hottest reality TV series, The Crush House?

It sounds nutso, right? But that's the latest theory that has spread like wildfire through online Crush House fan groups this weekend. And, after talking with an expert in Structural Hypnosis and Indoctrination Theory, it might not be such an insane idea...

You Are Getting Very Sleepy...

Let's back up a bit — just for those of you who have been living under a rock these past few days. During an episode earlier this week, eagle-eyed fans noticed that The Crush House's jaw-dropping Malibu crib got a bit of a makeover.

It looked like just small things mostly. A new reading nook here, some new gym equipment there, an ass-shaped pillow in the lounge that made the very outspoken, self-proclaimed "Butt Guys" howl like werewolves during a full moon...

But then people noticed a new addition to the back garden!

A large statue that, while only seen in passing, seemed to depict two people locked in a furious struggle. A few days later? Boom! Another similar statue but with locked lips instead.

No one seemed to pay them any attention until one viewer connected some audacious dots is a series of posts on Snoggr:

It didn't take long for SaLLyPeePersO_O post to go viral, as fans began finding more evidence to support these claims — not least of which being the surprise makeout session between hard-ass boss bitch Joyumi and Shakespearian slob Gunther.

Others, meanwhile, knocked the theory as the deranged ramblings of a Certified Weirdo™.

Naysayers aside, I couldn't stop thinking about this theory and whether it was plausible that a pair of seemingly innocuous statues could somehow manipulate someone's emotions just by being in close proximity to them.

An Expert Opinion!

So I did what any responsible blogger would do and I decided to go to an expert: Dr. Mustafa Mysteria, the foremost expert in the burgeoning field of Structural Hypnosis and Indoctrination Theory AKA Architectural Brainwashing.

"Oh it's very possible," Dr. Mysteria told me via private chat on Snoggr. "I wrote my dissertation on a lamp shaped like a woman's leg that had a profound effect on the libido of young men. The art of decorative suggestion is all around us — if one dares to study the Sacred Patterns."

Mysteria went on to suggest that it would be a stroke of genius for a reality TV show, where drama and personal conflict are necessary to keep audiences invested, to use findings from his field of research to push cast members into confrontations or scandalous affairs. "Reality TV has always skirted ethical quandaries for the sake of entertainment."

So there you have it. Go to the comments below and tell me what you think. Is this some kind of crazy scheme to make good TV or are Crush Fans starting to drink too much of their own juice?

Written by Fizz Arnaud
Fizz Arnaud profile picture

Fizz Arnaud: the man, the myth, the sensation — and the founder and sole writer of The Fizz, one of the information superhighway's most popular weblogs. Fizz is your eye on the Hollywood Sign, bringing you all the latest news and gossip in the world of television entertainment.

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872 Comments

MrsChardonNEIGH's profile picture

Now if only they'd add a statue that'll make them, y'know, do it...

MrsChardonNEIGH
Thu, August 5, 1999 at 7:53 PM PST
ProbedAndConfused's profile picture

THESE STATUES ARE ANCIENT SUMERIAN ARTIFACTS GIVEN TO US BY THE TRAVELLERS. RESEARCH IT!!!

ProbedAndConfused
Thu, August 5, 1999 at 11:20 PM PST

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